A Love Story

I walked into the American Legion hall and didn't see many people there. They wanted $5 to get into the AA dance but I was reluctant to pay. I said, "Just give me 5 minutes, please. I want to check and see if my friend is here."

They let me in.

But the thing is, I didn't really have any friends here yet. I had just moved back to CT two months before and although I had been going to AA meetings in Windsor, I was in Manchester that night, so I was pretty sure I wasn't going to know anyone.

My plan was to check to see if there was anyone to hang out with and if not, I might just drop into the bar across the street to see if my ex-boyfriend was there. It had been 4 years since I'd seen him.

Not a good plan for me!

But as luck would have it, I saw Paul and his 10-year-old daughter, Jessie. I had met him last year when he gave me the mustard seed that I popped into my heart locket. And I had also seen him a few weeks ago when my friend, Heidi and I went to A Course In Miracles meeting in Hartford.

Heidi had said at that time that she thought he liked me. I thought she was ridiculous but when I saw Paul at the dance, he seemed quite happy to see me.

After we chatted for a few minutes I went and paid my $5. Smart choice.

We talked and laughed and we all danced together that night. I was having a really good time.

Paul felt so safe to be with.

He wasn't giving off any creepy vibes.

That was good because a previous sponsor back in Texas had told me that my picker was broken and I needed to work on myself and not get into any relationships for a while.

It had been almost 10 months since I had dated anyone. I was rebuilding my self-esteem and I was happy with who I was becoming.

I was told that I needed to love myself first because if I didn't, then I would always be looking for approval from my partner.

This has been some of the best advice I've ever received and I believe it made my heart whole.

As I was working on myself and growing into the person I wanted to be, Paul was doing the same thing in his life. We were working on connecting with our Higher Power too.

We totally connected that night.

I felt the sparks fly when he kissed me after a slow dance. My first response was "Oh Sh!t."

My instinct was to run in the other direction in fear. Was I still broken and attracting unhealthy men? Nope.

The next day when I reflected on how he treated his daughter, how safe he felt to me, and all the amazing conversations we had, I actually thought, he might be the one.

And he was.

I couldn't wait to see him again.

Yet I do believe that the only reason it felt okay, was because we had each been alone for months, working on ourselves. We were learning to take our own inventory and build support structures with people of our own gender.

My women friends mirror back to me the love that I needed to become whole again.

Only then could I develop a healthy relationship with a man.

Less than 2 years later, we were married and there has been so much learning and growth through the years.

But we don't take responsibility for the other one's feelings. We own our feelings and never accuse the other of making us feel a certain way.

Except for the feeling of love. I do give him so much credit for how loved I feel.

Love begins with self.

But my point is that love begins with yourself before you can fully give it to another.

So this Valentine's Day, do something nice for yourself and all the sweethearts in your life.

Everyone needs love and this day is a reminder to give it freely every day.

"Love is friendship that has caught on fire."~ Ann Landers

Have a love-filled day,

Maureen

P.S. During that first night, the 3 of us went outside to play with the brand new glow-in-the-dark frisbee Paul bought and after about a minute, I inadvertently threw it over a fenced enclosure. I'm sure that's when he thought: "She's a keeper!" Jessie has never let me forget it. :-)